Thursday, February 15, 2007

Late Night Thoughts; Fueled by Dark Chocolate M&Ms

After working today with children hyped up on way too much Valentines day candy (much like I am currently), I came to a realization. There is absolutely no way that any kid of mine will act the way children of the postmodern era (especially the ones this far north of the Mason Dixon line) do. And yes, I understand that I have just possibly jinxed myself to someday bring a little terror of unrivaled defiance into the world, but regardless if said child more closely resembles Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde, there will be a profound presence of the much ignored aspect of life called discipline.

Kids need to have an introduction to the concepts of absolutely right and absolutely wrong. Its kinda like absolutely dead and absolutely alive. There's not much gray area to be had there, unless you're John Kerry; he's in a strange middle ground that I fear will never be understood.

These are some of my rules for the free territory outside the range of the public schools' "sniper tower for traditional discipline" :

1) Do not bite, claw, hit, kick, slap, or otherwise attempt to maim anyone around you. If you do, you will lose more baby teeth at once than you bargained for. These teeth are not redeemable for tooth fairy money.

2) Contrary to popular belief, screaming and jumping on tables is not accepted as "just being dramatic". There will be no "please get down and be quiet". Brace yourself, youngin', there will be a storm a brewin' that hasn't been seen since it last appeared out behind grandpa's corncrib.

3) Creativity is reserved for paper, play doh, and things that people such has Bob Ross have deemed to fall into the category of "Artistic Mediums". Walls, counter tops, computers, and books do not fall into this category. If you make a conscious choice to draw on things that you know are expensive, upon application of punishment you will never want to remove your "art supplies" from their designated corner again.

4) If you are rude and disrespectful towards authority, you will not pass go, will not collect $200 and told that you're just "expressing yourself", you will have a sore rear end and will be, well, "humbled".

Remember, this is out of love for the child, but is also for the greater good and mental health of society.

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