Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Top 5 Reasons Why This Generation of College Students May Not Make it in the Real World

This list contains many generalizations. There are those who do not display these traits. These individuals are called "strange".

Top 5 Reasons Why This Generation of College Students May Not Make it In the Real World

5) A language all their own is developing. It is similar to English, except in a statement it takes multiple four-letter expletives to arrive at what we can only assume to be the subject and predicate (the subject and predicate usually resemble familiar English).

4) College students use "like" and "ya know" in the place of where a thoughtful pause should be. This also occurs in writing, along with "whatev" and "srsly" (this is "collegian" for seriously, as I have been informed by a fluent friend).

3) When a college student says "I'll be there", they usually mean "I might be there, and if I am there, I will be late".

2) If you are not discussing alcohol, parties, or evading police, the college student has a tendency to mentally "check out" of the conversation. Bring up anything of substance, and most will, after a patronizing smile, leave. Quickly.

1) The average college student is unaware of how to use the apostrophe, i.e. possessive versus plural. I give you the Qdoba (a burrito restaurant) exclamation on an ad:
"Free Burrito's!"
Poor souls.

Yes, I am aware that I am a part of this generation.
Oh, the irony!


Luke said...

This is rife with generalizations. I went to a public university (graduated in May), and while there is some truth to these statements, the majority of students on my campus were not this way. I enjoyed fruitful, deep conversations often with both my Christian, and non-Christian friends.

Jon said...

Free burrito's what? What possession of the burrito has become imprisoned? How may I join the fight? Does PeTA (People for the ethical Treatment of All mexican food) know about this? Does the burrito have a celebrity spokesperson?


Sarah Scott said...


See the disclamer at the very top of the blog. It warns of such blatant generalizations.

I am glad that you experienced many fruitful conversations! I am also glad that you were able to converse effectively with the majority of your public university campus.


That response gave me a good laugh.
Nice work on changing the PeTA acronym! Have you ever heard of People for Eating Tasty Animals? I saw it on a t-shirt and felt compelled to shake the hand of the wearer.

Doug Groothuis said...

Dear Sarah:

The corruption of spoken language is epidemic and egregious in our culture, especially among younger people. Using "like" drives me insane, as it does my wife. The worst is when someone is describing their reaction to something: "And I was, like, you know, whatever!" The emphasis is on the subjective response, not the factual assessment of the situation. (That calls for a larger vocaculary.) It autobiography all the way down, poorly stated, of course. I even hear older people speak in this execrable way.

One of my students wrote a manifesto on proper speaking and disciplined himself to follow it. I saw him in some pain, ridding himself of "like." He would automatically say, "like," then frown and say, "not like." I liked the man for that.

Yours for proper diction, punctuation, and sequipedalians.


Daniel said...

People used to type how they talk. Now they are talking like they type. A circular paradox.

Twilight Zone style...

Brijenieve said...

My pet peeve is the rampant "I feel like" phrase, inserted before pretty much any statement. Why are we so afraid to be assertive and decisive?


Jon said...

At one point or another, I had each of these bumper stickers on my truck:

I Love Animals; They're Delicious!
Peope for the Eating of Tasty Animals
Down with Intolerance!

Jon said...

Sorry. I meant people, not peope.

Kyle said...

If 3 of the top 5 reasons college students may fail are for lazy use of English, then it sounds like we aren't too bad off. Though I do think I sense some hyperbole in this post, or rather I should say, "I feel like there is hyperbole in this post" :) Also, I personally would like to free the burrito's locked up flavor within the confines of my mouth.

Sarah Scott said...

Hello Kyle! :)

No doubt, it could be worse.
Also, I love to play with hyperboles (only blatant ones, of course)!

Thanks, friend!